©Badley Newscomb 1999
Introducing...
Hot Haiku 100
A grown-up's garden of horny haiku
1.
favorite organ:
hand, eye, brain, even stomach
is not so treasured
2.
hello my old friend-
you too like me are showing
the scars of battle
hardy spelunker
so brave with helmet and coat
~eager for the cave
4.
a beam of driftwood
plunges through the rolling waves
~casting up sea froth
5.
a steady workman
you do your job well by day
~yet long for the night
6.
languishing sadly
at times almost forgotten
~till she is near...sproing!
7.
daylight awakens
dawn's fleeting dreams leave no trace
~except morning wood
8.
writing a haiku
with one hand holding a brush
~the other, unseen
9.
winter reminds me
of a little boy writing
his name in the snow
10.
Man from Nantucket~
it is so long it could
not fit into a haiku
11.
cast off thy slumber
oh mighty Sir Lancelot
~the queen summons you
12.
In the dark and damp
the wild mushroom spreads its cap
~lo, diaspora
13.
knocking at her door:
Barnacle Bill the sailor
with his one-eyed friend
14.
she was a sleek ship
now adrift in the doldrums
~missing her mainmast
15.
first crocus of spring
you poke through the melting snow
into gentle warmth
16.
his Japanese robe
her slim hands parting cool silk
~kimono dragon!
17.
old conquistador,
with her you rediscovered
the fountain of youth
18.
into the valley
comes a vagabond stranger
~filled with wanderlust
19.
love-dart imbedded
deep inside her clasping warmth
~a valentine heart
20.
a lazy loafer
rises to the occasion
~revealing greatness
21.
The red bishop stands
before the cathedral gates
~they part in welcome
22.
a Texas cowboy
rides his palamino mare
into the sunset
23.
An old iron plow
hangs rusted behind the barn
~a field lies fallow
24.
Mortar and pestle~
essences mingled in love's
apothecary
25.
the remote control
is not quite so important
as Mister Johnson
26.
The key to my heart
(sound of steel guitar playing)
~you hold in your hand
27.
With twin wheels rumbling
the cannon moves into place
~heavy shot loaded
28.
in renaissance times
the princes wore codpieces
~and loved cockfighting
29.
a great stag rises,
proud head crowns the mighty neck
~it's rutting season
30.
Neanderthal Man~
it seems that below the belt
I am just like you
31.
she had a mighty tree
planted in the midst of her
beautiful backyard
32.
his old rumpled suit
several sizes too large
~fits perfectly now
33.
distant clouds rumble~
a surging torrrent splashes
the red canyon walls
34.
what he remembered
best from his gas station job
~was pumping Ethel
35.
baby bird opens wide
for a juicy nightcrawler
~swallows the whole worm
36.
Pa's old Victrola
playing Turkey In the Straw
~little Jeb wanks off
37.
Sublime volcano
fire gathering below
~Mount Fuji trembles
38.
between rolling waves
a trough of silent yearning
~her sharp sudden cry
39.
bristling skyscrapers
steel and concrete erections
~walking her poodle
40.
Mount Fuji rises
encircled in dark forest
~perfect symmetry
41.
white waters roil
lone swimmer in surging stream
~Jacuzzi salmon
42.
young maidens dancing
round and round the old maypole
~the bare branch blossoms
43.
stubbled fields outside
warm in our cozy cottage
~warmer still in you
44.
August afternoon~
too hot to do it without
air-conditioning
45.
shrinking from the cold
inside thermal underwear
~Fahrenheit zero
46.
above her he grinned
halloween jack-o-lantern
~she bobbed for apples
47.
The Easter Bunny
has a nice juicy carrot
~doe rabbit quivers
48.
midsummer darkness
the fireworks are over
~a rocket explodes
49.
A world of deep snow
in a stolen Camaro
~fog on the windows
50.
we laid on the grass
picnic basket overturned
~clouds drifting above
51.
standing alone at
a porcelain urinal
~splashing sounds echo
52.
two giggling girls find
younger boy from down the block
~under a blanket
53.
an old country house
I took her on the table
~kitchen ghosts watching
54.
rising from the sea
all Tokyo trembles in fear
~behold Cockzilla !
55.
a five-year-old boy
shows his little girl playmate
how to make mud pies
56.
I shudder slightly
when the butcher shop lady
slices salami
57.
farewell in August
a thousand times we made love
~one exquisite tear
58.
bittersweet coupling
in a Greenwich Village loft
~she had been untrue
59.
unlike a monkey
a man's tail is in the front
~scientific fact
60.
old Don Quixote
stuck his lance in a windmill
~every man's folly
61.
with skull cap and shawl
I couldn't help but notice
~it does look Jewish
62.
boy in a bathtub
a yellow rubber ducky
~the second best toy
63.
wrestling an angel
unfolding of great white wings
~straining heavenward
64.
a pink rose blossom
dewey petals opening wide
~a bee goes within
65.
foolish curmudgeon
finger pointing toward his crotch
~meditate on this
66.
size doesn't matter
she had always insisted
~a tremulous moan
67.
seventh inning stretch~
at the ballgame I watched her
eating a hotdog
68.
the fireman rose,
partners stirring in the sack
~something is burning
69.
0pposites attract
interlocking puzzle parts
-yin and yang are one
70.
around Mount Fuji
a misty raincloud gathers
~slippery descent
71.
a blonde with big hair
in the bar at closing time
~hillbilly heaven
72.
an ivory box
the red velvet lining holds
~a precious object
73.
explain Dr. Freud,
why your own cigar is not
a phallic symbol
74.
giant sequoia
mighty girth rising skyward
-tourist lost in thought
75.
banana tree stands
outside the poet's window
~shadows on paper
76.
during orgasm~
for a moment we know the
essence of being
77.
a pond in the woods
a little green frog leaps in
kerplunk!...let's do it
78.
a worker pauses
during the almond harvest
~hitching his nut sack
79.
lovely Bernadette
the Mafia don's daughter
~what a fine fine ass
80.
a fencepost rooster
swollen with self-importance
~waking the farmer
81.
deep in the jungle
pounding the log all night long
~a lonesome tribesman
82.
a subway platform:
old man opens his trenchcoat
~her laughter echoes
83.
Shake it more than twice
pope says you're playing with it
~good boys have damp shorts
84.
before the battle~
a samurai quietly
polishes his sword
85.
a young man reading
Lady Chatterly's Lover
~dripping candle wax
86.
cheap labor wanted
dirty haiku factory
~willing to work hard
87.
a powerful train
rushes into a tunnel
~alarm clock ringing
88.
she climbs on the bus
the girl in a mini-skirt
~pleasing an old man
89.
he gets a hard-on
staggering through the desert
~she's just a mirage
90.
two sisters-in-law
quarreling in my bedroom
~no menage-à-trois
91.
one-eyed wanderer
bearded ruler of the gods
~a clever disguise
92.
the air was filled with
maple tree helicopters
~she led me upstairs
93.
her unfocused gaze
ancestral dreams remembered
~steel bedsprings creaking
94.
his convertible
her plush red interior
~city lights below
95.
among my regrets
a girl like a French pastry
~I was so hungry
96.
black silk pajamas
slippery against her skin
~dancing firelight
97.
late Sunday morning
kissing the nape of her neck
~strawberries in cream
98.
on heathered highlands
a lassie found happiness
~underneath his kilt
99.
her bathrobe opened~
the plumber felt a cool hand
in his coveralls
100.
seeking satori
he followed the old master
~that dwelt in his pants